So, after a disagreement with my in-laws, I now have to find a place for my wife, son, and I to live... Not that I didn't already want to move out of here(the neighbors are judgmental as hell), but living week to week and trying to scrape up money for a deposit and first months rent sucks(and for the last several months I've been unsuccessful), and now I have a deadline... Not to mention the need to free up room in the budget for a rent payment...

 

Crap. No, SHAYT! But you stood up for yourself and what you believe. That takes ***** and I applaud you for doing so. I find it odd that the in laws would kick their own daughter and grandchild to the curb, but people have done stranger things.

I feel for you, Bones. You work your *** off to provide for your family, and someone throws a wrench in your life. The question is -- after freeing up the gears, how are you going to use the wrench to your advantage?

I'll text you later

 

So, I've been thinking at work again... The marvelous thing about working for twelve hours mostly alone in your head is that you have time to examine an issue from multiple angles and see a solution that wasn't previously there...

If a move is the only choice, I found a way to make the move whilst not losing my wife's car(and thus necessitating the purchase of another, cheaper model).

I'll need to take on another full time job, save every penny, and quickly move to a location nearer to one of my two jobs... If I don't, I will find myself looking at driving 800-1k miles a week, and that kind of distance(40-60k a year) will kill a car fast, as well as create massive upkeep costs, which can't be maintained over any significant length of time... Examples would be, 4-6 oil changes a year, at $55 average, three sets of tires at roughly $400 each, probably a full suspension rebuild each year, etc... You get the point... Driving that distance for any serious time would in fact necessitate a whole new car, which would bring its own payment, and further extend my indentured servitude...

If I alone had to move(leaving my wife and son with a place, but displacing myself), I could easily set up the bed of my Ranger for camping, park in the parking lot at work, and reduce my commute distance to ZERO, while occasionally visiting my wife and son to assure them I'm still alive...

Opinions?

 

PLEASE re-read what I texted you (which is not appropriate to be posted here).
There IS a solution that allows you to stay put FOR NOW until this leg pain and numbness get sorted out

You had NOT informed us that your Rx meds were no longer effective; that is a key piece if info that all family parties need to know.

I will harass you after the holiday weekend. Enjoy the break from my rants.

Oh, and for my opinion of the proposal above ?

1) no company will allow you to live in your vehicle on company property. Also, what's your mailing address?

2) 2 fulltime jobs will all but obliterate any chances you have of getting this nerve thing to calm down (inflammation or otherwise). Being on your feet for 16 hours a day will NOT help to heal your back/leg pain issues.

3) You can save up for 60K treadwear harder compound tires.

4) Are the in-laws offering to let the rest of the family stay and just you leave, or did they tell you and your family to get out?

5) From what I know, this whole thing is based on the fact that they think you are faking the severity of the illness. Go get them receipts from every doctor you've seen incl ER + meds prescribed, etc so that they can see you're just not being lazy or "playing them".

6)there are times to stand defiant and times to store it all deep inside and smile, be humble, and stick with status quo. DO NOT risk so much for yourself ad your family if cash is already that tight. WORK OUT AN AGREEMENT TO STAY.

 

1. You're probably right there, but i could camp somewhere else out of my truck, and get a PO box in which to receive mail...

2. Two full time jobs wouldn't mean going to 16 hours a day, but rather sacrificing the four "off days" in my eight day rotation to work another job... No more days off, except for un-used hours in the days I work, which leaves some time in my "off days" from my primary job as it's unlikely that another employer would work me on a 12 hour shift...

3. They might sell 60k tires, but getting them to last is the key... Any change in vector(direction or magnitude) will wear a tire, and there are lots of mandatory changes in vector(corners, hills, etc) around here... I've seen a set of Michelin Defender tires worn to cords in 12k miles(they had a tread wear of 850)That is just the rubber component of the vehicle wear equation though, with engine, drivetrain, and suspension to consider, with commuting to two different jobs...

4. Specifically my mother-in-law told me that we all needed to go... The father in law is in the dark on this one... She assigned fault to me for the situation, so I assumed that I might be able to remove myself for the sake of my wife and son... In turn, I haven't seen her in order to ask, due to my work schedule, but I plan to... After all, no sacrifice is too big, for the sake of the well-being of my wife and son...

5&6. The situation is based on my behavior since moving here... To start, I was a lazy, immature kid who just didn't want to work, then I was a immature adult who worked away and was too lazy to work on my one day off a week(I worked much harder then than I do now)... It's only this season that my inaction is medically induced in any way... Three bad summers apparently equal eviction... I can understand, sadly though I don't think the situation is reversible at all...

 

you'd be surprised how most firestorms can be weathered with at worst 2nd degree burns.

I assumed the struggling F in law was the one complaining ---but I couldn't understand why.

So it's her. Then show her how mature you've been by
1) seeing a doctor for a diagnosis --- JUST LIKE HER HUSBAND
2) playing it safe so as NOT to injure yourself to the point it would impact your ability to provide for your family going forward
3) that you go to work and stand on concrete for 12 hours at a time, usually limping due to the level 9 pain -- you do it because it pays the family's bills--that's what a mature husband tries to do for his family (I'm tired and cranky folks, I'm not being sexist)
4) Tell her you've stopped putting money into the one hobby you enjoy, b/c your family and your future are more important

You get my drift. You must let those out of your mouth rapid fire before she can interrupt you--by the third one she'll actually be listening.

I'm shocked someone would kick their flesh and blood daughter and grandkid to the curb, unlsess there's more to that story.

Reason with her.
Do not raise your voice. She will egg you on., Resist.
People discuss things and find middle ground.
People get in screaming matches and at the end don't even know what the screaming was about.
Then start playing the F in Law against her, but only as a last resort.

Always have a plan B

 

The unfair part is they are comparing me directly to him, when we are nothing alike... We don't value the same ideas, and have differing strengths and weaknesses... I've kept them abreast of the situation with my leg, until most recently(which I still haven't updated here), so they know about every doctor visit and test and diagnosis... The difference between myself and the F-iL is the location of the numbness... Mine is my left leg and his was his hands... He recently underwent a fusion of a couple of his vertebrae(in his neck)to eliminate some bad discs, and is currently in recovery...

The convo with my M-iL was calm and no voices were raised... She told me that it would be better for everybody involved if we found ourselves another place to live... Later that day(after I frantically drove around looking for places to rent), she told me that it felt like abuse for her husband to mow all the grass when there were two able bodies other than him(referring to my wife and myself), and that she couldn't take another summer...

I get the feeling they haven't liked me from the beginning, and want me out of their lives... Their daughter and grandson, might be able to stay if I leave, which I will discuss with her... Then again, I also theorize that they want us out of the trailer we live in so that in case of the F-iL losing his job over his medical condition(taking too long to recover, etc), they can rent it out and make some cash to pay bills, as he likely won't be able to replace his $80k/year job but they live an 80k/year lifestyle...

At any rate, I feel that a middle ground had already been reached by her giving us several months to make a move happen, and "grow up"...

However, I want out now... I don't want to feel their judgment every time I do something they wouldn't approve of, and I grow tired of the restrictions that have always been placed on our living here(no pets, no overnight guests, etc)... Surely, a move can be made possible with careful money management and an increased income...

 

Jerama,

Thank you for the additional details ---it brings the overall situation into better focus.

I doubted she ever approved of you marrying her daughter. Unfortunately, she is unable to view you as you are today -- she is hung up on the "original" version that married her daughter.

It's become obvious at this point that you will not be talked out of moving. So I'll drop that.

Don't remember how old your kid is, but if she's going to school, now is about the worst time to move -- as is any time during the school year. If so, might want to bring that up to M IL. Could give you till spring to save up some cash for a good launch of the next phase of your life.

When you move, the entire family goes. Period. Otherwise your marriage will suffer and your relationship with your child will suffer.

You may need to consider a 1 BR apt and make the best of it (someone could sleep on couch I suppose.)

What about the prospect of moving in with one of your wife's siblings or your siblings? I don't mean permanently ---just until you can save up to go it alone.

2 full time jobs can be done, but your body and your mind will pay the price, and if you're not careful, so will your marriage and family life.

I know you do not want to sell the RL, but it may become necessary. It is worth $ to other enthusiasts. I know that, faced with the decision, your family takes precedence.

How about signing the title over to someone you trust in exchange for the cash it is worth, then arrange a buyback w small payments you make in exchange for the right to drive it?

As for the wife's car payment situation, do NOT take the credit hit -- it will screw everything you are trying to do. No one will rent to you, you will not get approved for any additional credit cards, and it will chase you for a long time. Missing mortgage and car payments (installment loan payments) whacks your credit rating. I am not fond of your other idea.

Although it may not sound appetizing, you may wish to investigate whether your family qualifies for section 8 housing. The RL would be a target though.

My mind is winding down for the day.....

 

I did forget to mention I found just such a thing... A 1BR place, within two miles of my work, for $300/mo, plus utilities...

Yeah, this situation is stressing our marriage pretty badly already... It might not last, but I'm taking everything day by day until I(hopefully with family intact) come out the other side...

 

Emphasize to your wife that you are in it for the long haul.
If she is resentful for the same reason as her mother, and sees you as the sole reason that all of you need to move, then you have a larger problem...